Monday, April 14, 2008

Tom Is A Feline Acquaintance And Likes To Pretend He is British.

Well…that poor ridiculous woman of mine has her knickers in a bunch. It’s no one’s fault but her own. She locked me in the bloody garage again, thus I pissed in her vehicle. Right in the aparatus where her small child sits. I have quite had enough of her and the small child. I will be more than delighted when Father and the kind girl return. Woman summoned me to return to home on Friday eve, and I was on my way, but before I could saunter into her home I was closed inside of that dreadful room with the concrete floor. How on earth she expects me to sleep in there is beyond me. Payback is Hades and so I knew just how to torcher the woman, as my tokens of appreciation to her are usually met with shrill screams and minor cursing. I brought her a lizard. Shrill screaming and cursing ensued. As happened with the lovely mouse. Unfortunately for me, she had an acquaintance in her home who captured my gift and disposed of it. Foiled again. I have watched the woman using some sort of apparatus to spray water into the seat of the vehicle and then she leans to sniff it (she’s rather disturbed I do believe) and then she looks at me and curses again, so I must have struck some sort of nerve with her. She has placed food and water containers on the back sitting area, and she thinks that I will be like a dog and eat out of doors. She is in for it, because I will not stoop to the level of a stupid canine. My constant whining and crying will surely have her allowing me inside to eat and sleep, and if she’s lucky I will bring in a squirrel. Which she probably won't appreciate either. Father would never allow this foolishness to occur. Father cares for me. Since the woman took me to the clinic and had me violated, Father has taken a particular liking to me. He says something about spending all that money on me and I shall be kept inside. I pay him no mind, but I do think he has good ideas occasionally. Oh, dear, the doorbell is ringing…allow me to investigate…

Son of a … !! I do believe she had that planned. A neighbor was calling and brought with him a **** mastiff puppy. I arched my back and hissed, and that stupid canine just proceeded to lick me. I was terrified if I attacked him he would eat me. I was stuck and the woman just laughed at me. I shall get her. Oh yes, she shall pay.

1 comment:

cmd9603 said...

Uh oh, cat vs. dog! lol

And you're right--John Kellerman's books do tend to drag!